


Adventures in a Forced Gay Wedding

by silverspecks



Category: South Park
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Gen, M/M, Or well...not crack, it's South Park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 07:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5996481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverspecks/pseuds/silverspecks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a attempt to earn more money for the community the people of South Park force Tweek and Craig to get married. Craig hates his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adventures in a Forced Gay Wedding

Adventures in a Forced Gay Wedding

“We're not getting married.” Craig said. 

“We're ten!” Tweek exclaimed. “I can't get married! I haven't even started puberty yet! I can't provide for us, I only work 15 hours in the store each week and my parents only give me 20 bucks a week...fifty now I'm g-gay.”

“Boys,” Randy Marsh said. Craig glared up at Stan's dad in annoyance. He was even more annoying than his stupid son. “The world is PC now. It's okay for gays to get married.”

“I know.” Craig said. “But it's illegal for ten year old's to get married.”

“Right,” Tweek said. “I'm not getting arrested for marrying Craig!”

“Son,” Craig's dad said, “I know I wasn't always accepting of your love for my favourite future son-in-law but now I am. I fully support your marriage to Tweek.” He started crying tears of joy.

“That's not the issue.” Craig said. “The issue is we're too young for this.”

“It's different for gays.” Randy Marsh said. “Since marriage was illegal for so long the world has to make it up to them now it's PC...any gays of any age, race or background can get married. Straight people don't get those privileges boys. Embrace them. I wouldn't be able to marry a Canadian willy nilly. There are laws, paperwork. You don't have to face that now you're gay.”

“What the fuck.” Craig said. He held Tweek's hand. It was somewhat soothing and took away from the idiocy of the people sitting in his living room. “We have the right to choose if we want to get married.”

“Of course.” Tweek's mom said. “That's why you have my blessing Craig. You take good care of my boy.” She started crying. It was all very dramatic. 

“We haven't been dating for a month.” Craig said. “We're not getting married.”

“You don't understand.” Randy Marsh said. “The Japanese need new material. The world expects us to host a wedding for gays now that we're PC.” He started crying again. “We need to attract more tourists to this town.” 

“There are plenty of adult men that can get married.” Craig said. “Get one of them. Or lesbians. That's gay and feminist.”

“Don't you get it?” Randy Marsh was now looking out a window in his living room. “You two are wonderful for the Japanese. You fit the traditional uke and seme dynamics that some gays just don't.”

“I still don't understand that.” Tweek said. 

“I don't want to.” Craig said. 

“You two are adorable.” Randy said. “The Japanese get money from selling art with the two of you. They give 30 percent to the town, 10 percent goes to you two.”

“Only ten percent?” Craig said. “What the fuck?” 

“That's one thousand dollars for a piece of art work. Two thousand if the art is sold outside of the USA.” Randy explained.

“H-how much are you selling the art work for?” Tweek asked. “Why weren't we told any of this?”

“This is bullshit.” Craig said. “I didn't agree to this.”

“Boys,” Craig's dad said. “You have no choice. The Japanese chose you.”

“And now,” Randy Marsh said. “You will bring this town another Whole Foods. You boys will be the saviours of South Park, celebrities here for the rest of your days.”

Craig eye's widened. “20 percent.” He said. “Tweek and I want 20 percent of all sells.” He held Tweek's hand tighter and gave the other hand to Randy. They shook it.

“You boys are true heroes.” Randy said. “If only Stan and Kyle would...” He sighed and trailed off.

“Yes,” Craig agreed. “Stan and Kyle are much better for this job.”

Randy sighed. “But the Japanese didn't choose them yet.” Randy said. “I pray everyday that my son will be chosen and everyday he continues to be straight...”

Craig sighed. He really really hated his life.

-0-

(Later at the Wedding)

“Tweek,” Craig whispered in Tweek's ear as they danced a really awkward waltz at their wedding with the entire world watching them.

“Yeah,” Tweek whispered back.

“When we get the money we're taking it and running from this town, only Clyde, and Token and maybe our parents will know.”

“We're leaving South Park.” Tweek agreed. “Forever.”

They smiled at each other then, and everyone in the audience sighed dreamily because they wanted a love like Tweek and Craig's.

End

**Author's Note:**

> And...here's a South Park fic. Tried to keep this somewhat in the style of the show, and it's not overly romantic (they are TEN), so I hope you guys enjoyed this. Also I don't own South Park.


End file.
